so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
