I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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