At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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