I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i've created a new STD.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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