i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
