based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
