That's intense
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
