Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
