Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
