Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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