i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
