There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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