why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
