That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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