there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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