he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
