my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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