he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
