I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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