this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
