I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
