so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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