i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
