listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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