so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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