Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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