so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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