Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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