My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
