My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
