from now on my penis is your penis
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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