You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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