you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
