every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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