we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
