Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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