maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
