cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
