just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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