we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
