Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
