yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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