I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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