Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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