I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
