Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
