I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
