This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
