1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
