that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
