I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
