is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
