the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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